I was recently watching a video of Zan on YouTube where he gives a talk to the Project San Fransisco seduction lair. After seeing this, I was blown away by how profound his insights were.
Zan basically talks about how a lot of men who join the seduction community are ones who grew up without a male role model; how there was no one to give us direction; and how our fathers were absent in this regard. We are basically the first generation of uninstructed men.
This is an interesting topic to me for personal reasons. I was raised by a single mom for most of my childhood. My father left my mom and I at an early age. I believe I was around five years old when he left.
Even if my father did stick around I doubt it would have done any good. He was an alcoholic and was abusive towards my mother. Certainly not a positive male role model. In fact, my only memory of him is of that familiar cliche we always see on television. That of the mother and father fighting in the kitchen and the child crouched on top of the stairs crying.
So, as Zan puts it, my positive male role model was absent. The person who was supposed to teach me about women was never there. I feel this might be true for a lot of the guys who come into the pick-up artist community.
If I remember correctly, in the book The Game by Neil Strauss, the idea of lacking a positive male role model is illustrated through the character and real life pick-up artist Mystery. Strauss writes about Mystery’s hatred towards his father, which caused him emotional damage and low self esteem. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why Mystery had set out on his own in an attempt to become good with women.
Also, in a recent blog post by Sean Newman, he mentions that he was a mamma’s boy growing up. He says that though he got loving advice from his mom and sisters, it wasn’t the type of advice that was useful for meeting women. I think Sean says it best with the following: “Because as much as mama loves you, she can’t teach you how to be more of a confident MAN around women.”
There is a great article called, How Boys Learn to be Men by Alex Wise from Loveawake.com dating site, that addresses the influence of fathers on young males. In the article, Dobson mentions some of the ideas of leading Sociologists and Psychologists:
“Sociologist Peter Karl believes that because boys spend up to 80 percent of their time with women, they don’t know how to act as men when they grow up. When that happens, the relationship between the sexes is directly affected. Men become helpless and more and more like big kids.”
“Dr. William Pollock, Harvard psychologist and author of Real Boys, concludes that divorce is difficult for children of both sexes but it is devastating for males. He says the basic problem is the lack of discipline and supervision in the father’s absence and his unavailability to teach what it means to be a man. Pollock also believes fathers are crucial in helping boys to manage their emotions. As we have seen, without the guidance and direction of a father, a boy’s frustration often leads to varieties of violence and other antisocial behavior.”
However, in an interview with Peggy Drexler, author of Raising Boys Without Men, she claims that young males raised by single mom’s can turn out to be perfectly fine.
“In her new book, Raising Boys Without Men: How Maverick Moms Are Creating the Next Generation of Exceptional Men (Rodale Books), Drexler demonstrates through nearly a decade of research that boys who are raised in single-mother homes are just as likely to develop into happy, healthy adults as boys raised in households with both a mother and a father.”
Though I tend to agree with Drexler’s view that boys raised by single moms can turn out to be happy and healthy, she doesn’t address the issue of these same boys becoming the type of man who can be comfortable meeting women. After all, I was raised by a single mom and my life has been pretty good. I’m happy, I’m healthy, I have a good career, and a great group of friends. One thing that I don’t have (or didn’t have) is the knowledge to be successful in meeting and attracting women.
Of course, this whole theory about pick-up artists lacking male role models is completely speculative. It certainly is interesting to think about though. Perhaps I’ll do some more research on this topic. I’d love to hear comments on this if anyone has had similar experiences or insights into this theory.